_________________________ (fill in the blank),
being of sound mind and body, do not wish to
be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
no circumstances should my fate be put in the
hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't
pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I
fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer or margarita,
it should be presumed that I won't ever get
better. When such a determination is reached,
I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending
physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes
and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the members of
the Legislature enact a special law to keep
me on life-support machinery. It is my wish
that these boneheads mind their own damn business,
and pay attention instead to the health, education
and future of the millions of Americans who
aren't in a permanent coma.
no circumstances shall any politicians butt
into this case. I don't care how many fundamentalist
votes they're trying to scrounge for their run
for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that
they play politics with someone else's life
and leave me alone to die in peace.
couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots
send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend
to care about me. I don't know these people,
and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach
and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their
own business, too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and
turns my case into a political cause, I hereby
promise to come back from the grave and make
his or her existence a living hell.