major research institution has just announced
the discovery of the heaviest element yet known
new element has been named "Bushcronium." Bushcronium
has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an Atomic mass of 311.
311 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities
of lepton-like particles called peons.
Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However,
it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction
with which it comes into contact.
minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction
to take over 4 days to complete when it would
normally take less than a second.
has a normal half-life of multiples of 4 years;
it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization
in which a portion of the assistant neutrons
and deputy neutrons exchange places.
fact, Bushcronium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads
some scientists to believe that Bushcronium
is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity
is referred to as "Critical Morass."
catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates
Foxnewsium, an element which radiates orders
of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent
noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice
as many morons.