be a Republican in 2004 somehow, you have to believe
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals
and Hillary Clinton.
The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest national priority is
enforcing U. N. resolutions against Iraq.
"Standing Tall for America" means firing your
workers and moving their jobs to India.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but multinational corporations can
make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a conservative radio host. Then
it's an illness and you need our prayers for your
The best way to improve military morale is to
praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans'
benefits and combat pay.
Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless
you someday run for governor of California as
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
longtime allies, then demand their cooperation
HMOs and insurance companies have the interest
of the public at heart.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are
junk science, but creationism should be taught
It is okay that the Bush family has done $millions
of business with the Bin Laden family.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a
bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good
guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad
guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"
A president lying about an extramarital affair
is an impeachable offense. A president lying to
enlist support for a war in which thousands die
is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named
in the Constitution, which include banning gay
marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's
cattle trades, but George Bush's Harken Oil stock
trade are none of our business.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can tell states what local
voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s
Posted: May 17, 2004