love murder mysteries! And as the Agatha Christie
of Berkeley, CA, I am here to help find out who
killed Nicholas Berg. My heart bleeds for his
parents. It is the least I can do.
Who did it? Col. Peacock with the knife in the
kitchen? I think not.
would Sherlock do? "Was it even actually Nicholas
Berg?" Can a big man lose that much weight in
just two weeks? Maybe his prison guards should
open a health spa or write a book. "The South
Baghdad Diet." We don't even know if the body
belonged to Nicholas Berg.
my day," said Nancy Drew, "we didn't have Photo
Shop." Or computer enhanced images either. Think
was the motive?" http://www.freerepublic.com/
Assuming it was Berg, why was he killed? Was it
in order to take our minds off of Abu Ghraib?
Mission accomplished. Further, Berg's father was
on a right-wing hit list (See http://www.freerepublic.com
). The Bushies obviously didn't like him.
had the opportunity?" Who had custody of Berg?
The FBI? That's discouraging. Sidebar: What was
the FEDERAL Bureau of Investigation doing in Iraq?
Aren't they supposed to be here at home chasing
question would Hercule Peroit ask? "What shape
was the body in when they found it?" This is an
interesting question. "Was it decomposed?" After
three weeks, it should have been. If it wasn't,
then the culprits probably used that old murder
mystery trick of storing the body in the freezer.
"Who, in Iraq, had a freezer?" It wasn't the terrorists!
Half the time, they don't even have electricity
Gadget? If the body was discovered the day of
the beheading (what WAS the day of the beheading?
I'm all confused), "How was it found so soon?"
What with all the other bodies stacked like cordwood
in Iraq, how did they even know it was Berg?
was the blood?" Have you watched the video? They
hold up the head. No blood comes out. That's weird.
That's really weird.
is a big mystery here. The game is definitely
afoot. If this had taken place in a mystery novel,
Stephanie Plum would have put on her slut shoes
and gotten right to work. Rina Lazarus would have
put on her headscarf and checked out the facts
-- but only after they got through being sick.
That is one sickening video. "If the rebels did
it, why would they even release such a film?"
Surely they knew it would hurt their cause.
clues. "What was that plastic chair doing in the
picture?" That was an American chair. I have one
just like it in my back yard. Does that mean I
am a suspect? And who were all those fat guys
standing around -- especially if one of those
fat guys was what-his-name, the terrorist with
his leg blown off. "He could stand around that
long?" The fat guys all looked like those pictures
of the "contractors" who guard Paul Bremer. I
have one word for them. "Weightwatchers." If you're
gonna star in a terrorist flick, you gotta look
the part. And check out the flack jacket pictures
(courtesy of Detective Maggie! at "I Want My Country
what about those terrible yellow Abu-Ghraib-colored
walls in the background? Lula would have been
revolted! "Damn skippy I would." Guys, get yourself
which Middle Eastern country do they behead people?"
Not in Iraq. That is a technique most favored
by George Bush's pals in Arabia -- the same country
that gave us the people who allegedly highjacked
the 9-11 planes (and left their passports for
evidence too -- but that's another mystery, another
Who dun it? It's time to assemble everyone in
the drawing room. "The murderer of the alleged
Nicholas Berg is (dramatic pause) ... you and
me." Us? Yes, us. We did it -- by standing by
and doing nothing while that criminal George Bush
instigated this sickeningly barbaric war -- and
for STILL keeping Bush in power despite knowing
that he is the antithesis of everything about
truth and justice and American goodness that we
know in our hearts to be true.
Posted: May 19, 2004