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"A Modest Proposal:" Bring Back the Inquisition!
by Bernard Weiner
The Crisis Papers

February 18, 2012

American society is in desperate shape. Wimpy liberalism can't really solve the various problems. It's time for something more muscular, more robust, more (how shall we say?) medieval in its effectiveness.

American society is in such corrupted, chaotic shape that the only way out is to transform into a theocracy and re-institute the Inquisition.

All this back-and-forthing, two steps forward/one step backward kind of political gamesmanship, along with this country's archaic voting system, take up so much time and energy and money that could be devoted to muscular military and political action.

Democracy encourages confusion and social turmoil, leading so-called liberal leaders and the ignorant, easily-led masses to falsely believe they have a say in what needs to be done.

What this country really needs, immediately, is a strong leader who will grab the reins of power, ride that martial horse into action, and robustly sort things out with no delay.


We need to forget the rainbow of complexity and get back to simple black-and-white truths that are the bedrock of our faith. With God as our fixed point, and at our side, we can then extricate our country's leaders and institutions from the ruinous secularism that has driven our society into such desperate straights. (Just look at how outrageously and aggressively women behave these days, ever since the advent of The Pill, forgetting their God-ordained place in the world.)

God has indicated the direction we need to aim for. And we are blessed with positive developments in our crusade: America's corporate leaders are working hand-in-glove with our movement. Our religious leaders can sway and control at least a strong third to half of the U.S. population (most of the rest are half-asleep and will be easy to sway). Our country's mass media are docile and willing to follow our lead. And we have enough fellow patriots in the military and local policing agencies, and in patriotic militias around the country, to create a tipping point for the necessary transition to godly martial rule.

We have our American role models -- Father Coughlin, David Duke, Joe McCarthy, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin, etc. -- who have laid the religious and ideological foundations for our movement. Plus there are plenty of historical role models abroad (Mussolini, Franco, Pinochet, etc.) who have shown how to move society quickly in a corporate/political/religious lock-step. So let's stop all this talking, all this yak-yacking, and just get cracking. Strike while the iron is white-hot.

They will call us "fascists," of course, thinking that's a slur, whereas we know ourselves as wearing a badge of patriotic honor.


Resting on the ideological foundations prepared by Goldwater, Reagan and CheneyBush, we're as close now as we've ever been to a popular acceptance of what we're proposing. The Democrat party, on the other hand, is led by a naive, probably foreign-born black man, who is a radical socialist (not to mention a secret Muslim) who wants to enslave our citizens in his big-government-controls-everything rule. But even that uppity usurper has to accommodate to our reality and power.

Our Republican candidates are more or less saying everything we're saying: Gingrich would ignore and try to close down the over-reaching federal courts; Santorum would institute a kind of religious law based on Catholic principles and will decimate the bloated federal governmental structure; Romney claims he would repeal laws he doesn't like and would be "severely conservative" in chopping governmental programs. And the libertarian Paul would do away with the Fed and return our economy to the gold standard.

And all, except Paul, are ready to move honorably and aggressively on the world stage, standing up for our national-security needs, including our control of oil and gas around the globe, and confronting those opposed to our godly dominance over the heathens. For a start, all the major GOP candidates are eager to join Israel in bombing the Iranians back to the stone age to keep them from letting their nuclear missiles fly.

The Republican candidates realize that war is good for our corporations' bottom-line and for getting Americans to work together against our scary religious and political enemies. And war is also good for keeping our standard of living high, making sure that most of the profits and tax breaks go to the wealthy righteous who create the most jobs and are our biggest financial supporters.

In short, the portents are good for our movement if we can stop sniping at one another and get our act together quickly. We can't let this social/political opportunity go to waste lest we slide back into the confusing hurly-burly chaos of democratic moral depravity and reckless do-gooder liberalism.


Luckily, the financing system for American politics is on our side. Our corporate donors write the really big checks for the campaigns -- all nice and legal thanks to our compatriots on the Supreme Court -- and thus more or less control the candidates and the leadership of the GOP. In short, no matter who wins the Republican nomination, they must bow to our movement's will. We pay the pipers, they sing our tune.

Even if Obama were to win the general election and wanted to slide toward the Left, we've moved the mainstream political goal-posts so far to the Right that we've boxed him in as well, forcing him to make compromises with our immense power, our immen$e largess, within our pre-set ideological constraints.

In short, for us it's a win-win all around.


But the key take-away from this analysis is that 2012 -- despite the few wussy Occupy anarchists here and abroad -- is the right time to launch our campaign to Smite for The Lord. If we miss this opportunity to reshape the country in His image, to get the right sort of leaders elected, to help create the theocracy and martial society that God wants us to live under -- if we back away from that clear calling, we will join the rest of the world in its secular slide toward the brimstones of Hell.

Our faith rallies us to the cause. We can use any tactic, any strategy, break any human-made laws we need to, because we are the shock troops for The Lord. All it will take for our crusade to be successful is our hard work and the actual or metaphorical burning of a few political heretics at the stake. The other side is composed of nice-guy liberals who don't know how to fight, and wouldn't want to fight even if they knew how to go about it. They will either meekly keep quiet or will move toward us -- or else.

We hope we can do this without too much violence. But whether or not we are forced to go there, it's important for our side to prepare the ground for our spiritual/political revolution: gather the tinder, oil your weapons, dive into the world of political hardball and give no quarter to our enemies. It's them or us. There is no middle way, no acceptable compromise, no negotiating with the Devil. It's God vs. the AntiChrist.

Remember: Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. Prepare thyself!


Bernard Weiner, a Ph.D. in government & international relations, has written numerous other satires as co-editor of The Crisis Papers (http://www.crisispapers.org/weinerpubs.htm ). He has taught at universities in California and Washington, and was a writer-editor with the San Francisco Chronicle for nearly 20 years. To respond: crisispapers@comcast.net

Copyright 2012 by Bernard Weiner.

First published by The Crisis Papers 2/18/12.

Posted: February 24, 2012

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