you gotta love those Republican morals.
Islam, who once upon a time was a rock musician
named Cat Stevens (and sadly, most of my readers
are so old they know who the hell I'm talking
about) was turned away at the US border, apparently
for being in possession of an Islamic name. Islam,
who once supported the fatwa against Salman Rushdie
and advocated his death, has mellowed over the
years, recanting his ill-considered sentiments
and becoming an advocate for peace and a staunch
foe of terrorism. That was good enough for the
Putsch junta, which declared him a terrorist and
said he couldn't come in to visit. Although two
weeks earlier, it was ok.
very same day, they had the "interim Prime Minister"
of the roiling chaos once known as Iraq address
a joint session of Congress. Iyad Allawi stood
before Congress, receiving the signal honor once
reserved for World Leaders such as Winston Churchill,
as a man who put his degree in neurology to good
use in devising ever more painful forms of torture
for Saddam Hussein. More recently, he celebrated
being named head puppet for the US by going to
the local police station and randomly shooting
six prisoners to death as he strolled past their
cells. He was here to reassure Congress that Iraq
would be free and Democratic by next January.
would be like exiling Charles Lindbergh for his
pro-nazi sentiments while having Dr. Josef Mengele
address Congress on health care. That's how far
America has fallen under the despicable Putsch
of the few justifications left for invading Iraq
is "well, at least we got rid of that vile Saddam
Hussein." This doesn't explain why we replaced
him with someone who may just be even more vile
(and when it comes to ratbaggery, Allawi is right
on a level with Uday and Ousay Hussein, only not
also doesn't explain why America is still killing
Iraqis, if the goal was simply to get rid of Saddam.
George and Allawi were cuddling and making pretty
smiles for the camera, Dick Cheney was running
around warning that if Democrats got elected,
terrorists would strike America again. As best
I can tell, Dick Cheney has some sort of control
over terrorists, and WANTS them to strike America
if the election doesn't go the way Dick Cheney
thinks it should. I'm waiting to see if Cheney
warns Florida voters that if Putsch doesn't get
elected, they can expect even more hurricanes.
control over terrorist attacks would explain why,
over the past three years, not only has America
failed to capture the man believed responsible
for 9/11, but it has gone out of its way to make
the world more convenient for terrorists. That
way, Cheney has something to threaten the American
people with as a campaign tool.
Cheney has been getting leadership tips from Allawi.
must be a good guy. After all, he addressed Congress,
and is a founding member of the Murderous Bastards
Against Terrorism club. We need more murderous
bastards to help show America the way.
of course, Republicans are pretty good at showing
Americans the way. Now, I'm not talking about
the stupid and easily frightened Americans who
Dick Cheney is trying to reach.
talking about Americans who love and fear God,
and revere his majesty, and will do anything for
him because he loves America, but, um needs a
little help in getting control of America. Oh,
he's been doing a good job of pounding Florida
to a pulp this past month, but that's only one
state. There are forty-nine other states, and
as god knows better than just about anybody, they
all have electoral votes too.
where the RNC comes in. They sent out a mass mailing
claiming that Democrats want to ban the bible.
you probably know that most Democrats are Christians.
That right there would seem to make it unlikely
that the party would want to ban the bible. Among
the more secular Democrats, there are many who
have had at least some education, and know the
utter futility involved in trying to ban any particular
religion. I run around declaring that fundamentalism
is a genetic disorder and someday science will
find a cure, and even I don't want to ban the
wants to ban the bible. Only a moron would believe...
Right. Targeted advertising. The GOP is reaching
out to their core demographic.
poker, a group of players often includes one known
as "The Patsy." The Patsy is an incurable optimist
who doesn't understand odds and thus serves as
cash cow for the other players.
players have a belief about patsies. If you sit
down at an ongoing game, after a few hands you
should look around and see who the patsy is. If
you can't figure out who it is, that means you're
you one of the morons targeted by the Putsch junta?
you find it insane that they parade a vicious
thug like Allawi before Congress, and assure us
all he is really a cross between Winston Churchill
and Thomas Jefferson and will lead Iraq to the
promised land of peace and democracy?
you believe Dick Cheney is trying to reassure
you when he says that if you vote for the wrong
guy, you'll get hit by a terrorist attack?
you really think Democrats are evil satanists
who want to ban your bible?
you respond by saying, "only a moron would think
those things," then you aren't a moron.
you thought, "Oh, he's just trying to smear Bush,"
then you're at the table, but you don't know who
the patsy is.
Karl Rove is smiling at you in an avuncular and
As I was writing this piece, one of my wind-blown
friends from the American south emailed me this.
It seemed to fit.
Washington Journal, September 23, 2004
SLEN, HOST: Kenner, Louisiana, good morning.
(in a very airy voice): Good morning. I'm going
to vote for President Bush because, after all,
you know, God made us there, you know, in His
image, free from any black color and all [Host
looks up, surprised]. The only church that Kerry
can go to is where they say the Black Mass, and
that is in the Merriam-Webster Pocket Book dictionary,
where it says that that is the devil worshippers.
[Host looks uncomfortably off-camera, at producer?]
I would never vote for, you know, Senator Kerry's
every effort to give you the same booth again,
or very near. So, definitely, I would never vote
for, you know, Senator Kerry.
that isn't the only reason. Also, in the Bible,
God said . God . that, uh, also, like (unintelligible)
and faggots, that he says, anybody that lays down
with another man and has sex with his own sex,
and any woman that lays down with another woman
and has sex should be put to death and their blood
upon them. It also says that about interracial
marriages and everything. So that's the reason
why I'm voting for my president, Bush.
What do you do in, uh .
And that isn't the only reason. They also have
other reasons also. The other reason is political,
because like the political terrorists, they've
been out there for eight months, and they've been
out on the road, and they've been talking about
. they've talked against our president. They put
him down in every way. And God knows that that
is wrong. He's out there doing God's work. He's
taking care of all our children.
when Clinton was in, he made - he tried to make
whores and faggots out of our little girls - whores
out of our little girls. He put the pornography
in the schools. And God's gonna condemn him for
What do you do in Kenner?
(talking over question): And that's the reason
why . he even went to the hospital and everything.
Caller, what do you do in Kenner, Louisiana?
What do you do in Kenner? Do you have a job?
I'm a housewife.
A housewife? Where do you go to church?
I go to different churches. I go to, sometimes,
in New Orleans, I go to the Cathedral. And I believe
in my God, and I know that God is here to protect
everybody. And if Kerry comes in . God helped
the whole world, because God loved . Kerry . oh,
that's another thing .
(cutting her off): Thanks, caller. I'm afraid
- I'm afraid we're out of time. I wish I could
let you go on, but I'm afraid we're out of time.
Posted: September 29, 2004