Dear Dennis,

I owe you a big apology. When you appeared on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno last night (July 23, 2003), I knew I had made a mistake. You probably didn't have a face lift (your face looked fuller because of weight gain and not plastic surgery) nor were you wearing a hair piece. No one who could dress as shabbily (brown suit, white rumpled shirt and bright blue socks) and look as disheveled and paunchy as you did last night could be that vain. Sorry Dennis I was wrong about this.

But what brought you back to the Tonight Show this time? Long after Bush declared the Iraq War over? You didn't have anything to promote except your once-a-week gig on Hannity & Colmes on Fox, or should I say, Faux. Not that long ago, wouldn't you have been too embarrassed to even associate with these right wing whackos? Now you be one of them.

But you didn't let me down this time either with your "over the top" right wing rants. You had to call the Hon. Sen. Byrd-D-WV a "crazy man" and Gov. Gray Davis, Democratic Governor of California, a "wimp" who's done a "horrible job." Sen. Byrd was the one who was right about the Bush Administration's handling of the War in Iraq...not you, Dennis. And your homeboy, Ah-nuld, isn't qualified to be Governor of any state, let alone CA. So Hasta la vista, Arnold! While you thought it appropriate on Leno to inform viewers that Sen. Byrd had been a KKK member way back in his past, I thought it interesting that you failed to mention that Arnold's father was a Nazi. Too bad, milquetoast Jay just sat there letting you go on unchallenged like this. As for Gray Davis' problems. Many of California's budget problems are directly related to your new Bush buddies at Enron who defrauded Californians out of billions of dollars. Do you really think the recall election in California would have been possible without Enron and some right wing millionaire buying it?

But what really galled me were the comments you made about those missing WMD and the environment. On the missing WMD issue you said, "Is it just me because I don't care about those WMD....we needed to kick their ass to get the domino effect going." Well guess what, Dennis? I bet the families of soldiers killed in this war care whether or not the government lied to them about the reasons for this war. I know there are plenty of angry U.S. citizens, Congressman and Senators, who care that they were lied to about this war. The Bush Administration lies about the Iraq war are an impeachable offense. That's how serious this issue is and has become. So take that smug little expression off your chubby face! You and the Bushies were wrong about the Iraq War. And you are looking even more foolish every minute as the situation in Iraq deteriorates and soldiers are ambushed and killed. So to answer your question: It is just you and a few of your new NeoCon cohorts who don't care about the missing WMD and the false intelligence and the Bush lies. All of the rest of us do care.

As for the environment: I think we all need to worry about the state of the environment and not think that sometime in the distant future the answers will appear to solve all of our problems. Solar energy is a good, cheap, and reliable source of energy, whether you think so or not, even though it may not be as practical or feasible everywhere. And no, the hole in the ozone layer isn't caused by people smoking outdoors because they can't smoke inside anymore. I know you were only joking about this but even your jokes indicate the warped nature of your thinking now.

And calling the Tour de France, "Tour de spineless greasy haired wussies" - is so lame. Only you could still be bashing the French AFTER their position on the war was vindicated and proven the correct one. The French soldiers aren't rotting in the heat and dying in Iraq every day. The French aren't wasting $4 billion every month rebuilding Iraq. If only the U.S. had listened to those wise Frenchmen, 244 soldiers of ours wouldn't be dead now.

In conclusion, Dennis, your thinking and your intellect have gone as far astray as that putt you blasted into the water with your driver. Might be an appropriate metaphor for your career as well.

Sincerely,

R. J. Crane, columnist for topplebush.com

If you would like to voice your complaints about Dennis Miller's all too frequent appearances on The Tonight Show, you can use this link: http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/feedback/ or better yet, we have created a prepared form you can submit right from our website.

Brief addendum July 12, 2003 referenced in this column: And what's with the overdyed hair and that silly looking hair piece? Did you also have a little plastic surgery done on your face? Working as a weekly guest commentator on Hannity & Colmes? Have you lost your mind? Have you no shame? You have just lowered everyone's expectations of your intelligence by at least half.

© 2003 Topplebush.com
July 24, 2003