BUSH
URGES AMERICANS TO SPY ON EACH OTHER THIS HOLIDAY
SEASON
Calls Invasion of Privacy 'The Gift That Keeps
On Giving' - by
C Andy Borowitz, borowitzreport.com
In
a special pre-holiday address to the American
people, President George W. Bush today said
that the upcoming holiday season affords all
Americans a unique opportunity to spy on their
neighbors, and urged his fellow citizens to
do so.
"My
fellow Americans, over the holidays many of
you will be receiving new camcorders as gifts,"
President Bush told his national television
audience. "Instead of making boring home movies
of your children, point the camera at the house
next door and see what your neighbors are up
to."
Saying
that the people next door "might be evildoers,"
Mr. Bush said that by spying on one's neighbors,
"You're going to find out who's naughty or nice."
Coming
just days after he defended his own practice
of wiretapping phone conversations without a
court warrant, Mr. Bush's exhortation to the
American people to snoop on one another over
the holidays was the latest indication that
he intends to ramp up domestic spying in the
new year.
"Invasion
of privacy is the gift that keeps on giving,"
the president said.
Perhaps
in an attempt to preempt criticism of his domestic
spying program, Mr. Bush added that he was "more
than willing" to let the government spy on him.
"Go
ahead, get a list of every library book I've
taken out in the last five years," he said.
"You won't find anything."
Elsewhere,
a new report shows that China now has the fourth
largest economy in the world, after the United
States, Japan, and Vice President Dick Cheney.