BOOK OF BUSH BASHLAW, by
General Bob Shea of the Joint Chiefs is with
us today. As is my friend, Lieutenant General
Danny James, who was the Texas Adjutant General
when I had the honor of being the Commander-in-Chief
of the Texas Guard. [Laughter.] Good to see
you, Danny. [Applause.]" --President Bush addressing
the Veterans of Foreign Wars
it came to pass in The Land of Plenty that Evil
was everywhere. Sore afraid and trembling, The
People went in Great Numbers, therein to cast
their lot with The Chosen one: Bush Bashlaw,
who alone might protect Them and deliver Them
safe from Evil.
so it followeth that President Bashlaw was sworn
to uphold the Constitution With Certain Rare
Exceptions. And so it was. Omen and Amen.
brave Bashlaw did personally declaim a permanent
War upon Evil, telling all The People that Evil
would take multitudinous years and a day to
erase. Fear and dread upon them, The People
rose almost as one to smite the Evil Four-Year-Term,
and thus declareth and decreed a covenant of
"PPBM," or Permanent Presidency of Bashlaw Magnificent.
and protected, Fear melted by the glorious Sun
of Security in the blessed knowledge that Evil
was kept at bay, confined beyond The Land of
Plenty. And Love and Laughter were upon The
Land, and shepherds tended sheep and children
peacefully slept, and it was Good.
Evil stilleth not. It lurked in shadows, revealed
in hearts of men, women, children and of many
living things. And so it came to pass that a
Decree went out to all the Known World, instructing
an Age of Watchfulness, wherebyeth each suspicious
Evil hint was gathered, dutifully reported and
Measures taken to scour all Gross Pollution
from Glorious Orb of Earth.
Bashlaw Magnificent "numbered the people that
were with him, and set captains of thousands
and captains of hundreds over them." And thus
was smote every fenced city and every choice
city, felled every good tree, stopped all wells
of water wherever might lurk all Evil under
verily, some did protesteth much that Law did
not permit so stern a course, but Judges spaketh
as with one single voice, "Whatsoever Bashlaw
may do, so may he do," and so it was done.
yet the work was hard, that even mighty Bashlaw's
heart began to tire, to which The People cried,
"Be of good courage and be valiant that we may
fear no Evil evermore!" Then each and every
citizen did pledge to do whatever was Required.
so it came to pass that seventeen teen-age boys
were brought before Bashlaw their testicles
to smash, and seventeen teen-age Virgins were
brought before Bashlaw and were ordered to undress
themselves and lift his weary Spirit.
those who cowered before the word of law Law
and Constitution cryeth, "No! 'Tis not permitted
by our Law for seventeen teen-age Virgins to
undress thus in the Presidential House."
came to pass that once again the lofty Judges
were assembl-ed. And Bashlaw spoke and sayeth,
"Wilt thou go with me against these Traitorous
few?" Whereupon the robe-ed Judges fell down
to the ground and praised the power of Bashlaw,
declaring him forever more Omniscience and Omnipotence
within the Flesh. And so it was, and so it so
became. Whereupon the testicles were smashed.
word go forth through all the Land: I am The
Way," proclaimeth Bashlaw.
thus it came to pass, the Enemies of Bashlaw
were put down, more virgins came in numbers
great to give him ease where apples would not
Evil smiled, for none dared ask, "Where is the
wise? Where is the scribe? Hath not God made
foolish the wisdom of this world?"
so it had become, and so it was.
Doug Giebel welcomes comments at dougcatz@ttc-net