Job Outsourced, from
D.C.: Congress today announced that the office
of President of the United States of America
will be outsourced to India as of November 28th,
2006. The move is being made to save the President's
$400,000.00 yearly salary, and also a record
$521 billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead the office has incurred during the
last 5 years.
believe this is a wise move financially. The
cost savings should be significant," stated
Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds,
with the aid of the Government Accountability
Office, has studied outsourcing of American
jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain
competitive on the world stage with the current
level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Bush was informed by email this morning of his
termination. Preparations for the job move have
been under way for sometime. Gurvinder Singh
of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the office of President as of December
1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United States
while his Indian parents were vacationing at
Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for
the position. He will receive a salary of $320
(USD) a month but with no health coverage or
is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job responsibilities without a support staff.
Due to the time difference between the US and
India, he will be working primarily at night,
when new offices of the US Government will be
open. "Working nights will allow me to keep
my day job at the American Express call center,
" stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
"I am excited about this position. I always
hoped I would be President someday."
Congressional Spokesperson noted that while
Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the
issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem since Bush was
not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh
will rely upon a script tree that will enable
him to respond effectively to most topics of
concern. Using these canned responses, he can
address common concerns without having to understand
the underlying issues at all. "We know these
scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
"President Bush has used them successfully for
years." Mr. Singh may have problems with the
Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the
"downhome" persona in his effort to appear intelligent
and on top of the Katrina situation.
will receive health coverage, expenses, and
salary until his final day of employment. Following
a two week waiting period, he will be eligible
for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13
weeks. Unfortunately, he will not be eligible
for Medicaid as his unemployment benefits will
exceed the allowed limit.
Bush has been provided the outplacement services
of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume
and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
in securing a new position due to limited practical
work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart
was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience
shaking hands with a phony smile. Another possibility
is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National
Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague
but should he choose this option, he would likely
be stationed in Waco, TX for a month, before
being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited.
been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr.
Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the
country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's
terminal and gift shop. Sources in Baghdad and
Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception
from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided
with details of his arrival so that they might
arrange an appropriate welcome.