To Keep On
Top Of Current Events
By Eric Margolis
Contributing Foreign Editor
very difficult keeping up with Mideast news
due to the Orwellian newspeak coming from Washington.
here's a handy list of key terms, translated
into simple English.
- The U.S. and British invaders, plus some
troops from rent-a-nations like Romania and
Poland. In the past, "the coalition"
would have been called imperial forces and
- A ruler you don't like, or who does not
- A cooperative dictator.
- when things go the way Uncle Sam likes,
ie., the status quo.
- when things don't go the way Unc Sam wants,
ie., when trouble-makers try to change the
reconstruction - a process whereby big firms
that contribute to the president's re-election
campaign obtain contracts to rebuild the damage
caused by U.S. bombing.
Iraq's oil assets - Washington's seizure and
sale of Iraqi oil, which in no way can be
compared to Cuba's seizure and sale of U.S.-owned
property, a dastardly crime.
democracy - regimes that hold rigged elections
and obey Washington's orders.
trade - pouring goods and services into the
newly "liberated" country, and buying
up its key industrial assets at fire-sale
- violent acts by dangerous fanatics and malcontents
who refuse to accept the downtrodden status
assigned to them by Washington.
- State terrorism.
- a yellowish mineral from Niger that causes
red faces in the White House.
Administrator - A pro-consul or gaulieter,
disguised as a minor suburban bureaucrat.
of death - Iraqi remotely piloted aircraft
that the White House claimed were poised to
fly off Iraqi ships lurking in the North Atlantic
and shower fiendish germs on a sleeping America
- which turn out to be two model airplanes,
only one of which could fly. See "vans
of death - Claimed by Washington to be Iraqi
mobile germ warfare laboratories, but turn
out, on inspection, to be British-supplied
trucks for inflating weather balloons.
of Mass Destruction - Nasty weapons, existing
or non-existing, that the other side has.
When your side has them, they become invisible.
- a foul act committed by your enemies. When
your side does it, it's called intensive interrogation
security - bolting the barn door after the
horse has escaped by rounding up Muslims and
denying them due process of law.
- Insubordinate ingrates and depraved chain-smokers
who had the nerve to try to block the jolly
little war in Iraq, and now sneer, "we
told you so."
- Untrustworthy. Just when you order them
to be warlike again, they go soft. Wait until
they see the next dozen WWII epics from Hollywood.
- A bunch of pot-smoking, pinko, wimp nancy
boys who marry their best friends and refuse
to obey orders from the Great White Father
- An evil faith that promotes violence and
hatred, as proven by the Rev. Jimmy Swaggart,
who learned about the agents of the devil
while encountering them in motel rooms.
News - The Ministry of Truth.
News - All the bad news we don't want to hear.
See Fox News.
and Saddam loyalists - Any Iraqis opposing
the invasion of their country.
and friends of Saddam - Journalists who questioned
the Bush Administration's lurid claims over
Iraq's purported threat.
- A Mideastern ruler who toes the line and
makes nice to Israel.
- Troops from browbeaten or bribed vassal
states sent to perform garrison duty in U.S.-occupied
nations that the Pentagon wants to avoid,
or lacks the troops to perform.
Iraqi government - An august body that leaps
to its feet when a U.S. soldier enters the
room, and has total authority over garbage
collection and sewers.
Hussein - A former close American ally who
got too big for his britches. If not assassinated,
may soon be needed again to run Iraq for Washington.
and Qusay - Yes, Saddam's boys were big-time
delinquents, but Crazy Uday's biggest mistake
was probably making fun of George W. Bush
in his newspaper, calling the prez a draft-dodging
wimp. Perhaps that's why he and Qusay got
the multi, anti-tank missile treatment - Texas
justice - rather than a nice show trial in
- A democracy-seeking Arab state that volunteered
for mentoring and tutelage from Washington
in exchange for helping out American drivers