Lays Off Congress. Will Outsource Lawmaking
DC - Citing the growing cost of running the
Federal government and the need to cut costs
in order to reduce the budget deficit, President
Bush announced today that he was laying off
all 535 members of Congress and transferring
lawmaking operations to a legislative support
center in Bangalore, India.
outsourcing is the way to go these days," said
Bush at an impromptu news conference where he
announced the decision, adding, "The American
people want to see less government waste. Since
every one of those ex-Congressmen had a salary
of $150,000, this move will cut our costs by
over $80 million per year, and that's not even
counting what we'll save on health insurance
and retirement plans." Sources indicate that
the Indian replacements will be paid approximately
$250 per month.
outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and
Representatives was swift. Ex-congressman Tom
Delay said, "This is absolutely outrageous.
How can a bunch of replacements over in India
run Congress? What do they know about filibusters
and committee hearings, lobbyists, fact finding
junkets, pork barreling and PAC contributions?"
As he was being escorted out of the Hart Senate
Office Building by US Capitol Police officers,
Delay complained that the newly terminated lawmakers
were only given 10 minutes to clean out their
desks and leave the building.
think it's a great idea," said Vice President
Dick Cheney, speaking from a secure, undisclosed
location. "The American people were fed up with
that expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't
give the president everything he asked for.
Our new Indian replacements will be much more
cooperative to the President, which is what
we all want."
whether the outsourcing may be un-Constitutional,
Cheney noted, "That's up to the Supreme Court
to decide. But they never pay much attention
to the Constitution anyway. To them it's a 'living
document' that will be different every day.
Besides, how much is the salary of a Supreme
new members of Congress seem thrilled with the
attention they are receiving. Speaking from
the offices of All-India Legislative Support
Centre Ltd. In Bangalore, new Texas Senator
Ramchandra Shektar Gupta told reporters, "The
Indian people are very hard working and we will
do our best as US Congressmen and Congresswomen.
And we are going to have some fun too. Just
think: we have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers'
money to spend!"