The Bush and Cheney Medals- From a member of Americans For B.U.S.H. (Bush Undergoing a Swift Heave)

I am sick and tired of hearing Bush and Cheney criticize Kerry's military record and the medals he earned for bravery. Here is my description of the medals earned by Bush and Cheney during the Vietnam war.

BUSH AND CHENEY'S MEDALS:

The news media has focused on John Kerry's medals he earned in Vietnam. With characteristic modesty, Bush and Cheney have not bragged about their medals and I feel that it is time to bring this to the public's attention:

CHENEY'S TC MEDAL: As you probably know, Cheney got his wife pregnant with their first child at just the right time to avoid the draft. He then earned the 3-A classification for family hardship. What people do not know is that he accomplished this at great risk to his life. Recent medical studies have shown that the type of heart problems Cheney has develop early in life and he could have died while getting his wife pregnant! It is for this reason that he was awarded the TC Medal (Timely Conception Medal). This medal shows an outline of a pregnant woman with the 3-A designation printed below it. Incidentally, this medical-related medal is similar to the one earned by another great patriot, Rush Limbaugh. He earned the BB MEDAL (Boil on Buttock Medal) which gave him a medical deferment. Rush could have had it corrected and then entered the military, but he chose not to, which could have lead to a nasty infection.

BUSH'S NGL, BSD, AND NQT MEDALS: Bush's first medal was earned when, with help from his daddy, he was able to leap to the head of line for the National Guard. This is the NGL MEDAL (National Guard Leap Medal). This medal shows outlines of men standing in a line and an arrow going from the head of the last person in line to the space in front of the first person in line. Bush earned this medal at great risk to his life since some poor shmuck who was supposed to get into the National Guard lost out and could be holding a valid grudge against the Bush family...or he could have died in Nam.

The next medal involves the type of risk paratroopers undergo. You might know that a parachutest hits the ground at about the same speed as if he jumped from a height of between about 5 and 6 feet. (Perhaps you should check on this for accuracy.) Under the right circumstances, a fall from only 3 or 4 feet could cause serious injury and this was the risk Bush undertook when he was getting drunk at the local bar instead of showing up for National Guard Duty. This earned him the BSD MEDAL (Bar Stool Drop Medal). He could have fallen off the stool and received a serious injury. This medal depicts a bar stool and a body on the floor near the stool.

THE NQT MEDAL: There has been much discussion about whether or not Bush was present for his National Guard Duty. But even if he truly was PHYSICALLY present, he probably was not MENTALLY present. You can see this at his press conferences where he clearly is "out of it". This brain damage was caused by his secret military work: He tested various drugs including cocaine to see how much brain damage can occur at large dosages. This earned him the NQT MEDAL (Not Quite There Medal). This medal shows the face of someone with a totally blank stare. In the background around the face are stars, planets, and comets showing that the person's mind is "way out there" like the late Timothy Leary's.