you have to believe to be a Republican today
also feature this as a free
flyer to print out and distribute]
was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad
guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good
guy when Cheney did business with him and a
bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin
with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist,
but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to
a spirit of international harmony.
United States should get out of the United Nations
(and not pay our back dues), and our highest
national priority is enforcing UN resolutions
woman can't be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but multinational corporations
can make decisions affecting all mankind without
loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals
and Hillary Clinton.
best way to improve military morale is to praise
the troops in speeches while slashing veterans'
benefits and combat pay.
condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
won't have sex.
sound strategy to fight terrorism is to belittle
our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation,
manpower and money.
health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing
health care to all Americans is socialism.
and insurance companies have the best interests
of the public at heart.
warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but creationism should be taught in
president lying about an extramarital affair
is an impeachable offense.
president lying to enlist support for a war
in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages
and censoring the Internet.
public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle
trades, but George Bush's driving record is
none of our business.
a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a conservative radio host. Then
it's an illness, and you need our prayers for
support states' rights, which means Attorney
General *John Ashcroft can tell states what
local voter initiatives they have the right
Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national
interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is
Bush, who doesn't read newspapers, and who can't
speak an intelligible paragraph on his own (not
written for him), is intelligent enough to rid
the planet Earth of all evil.
don't let friends vote Republican.
The only official in American history to lose
an election to a publicly known (for over 4
months) dead opponent.