two guys walk into a bar and joke's on us
by Leonard Pitts, Jr. / Commentary
November 24, 2003
this president and this football player meet
in a bar ...
Simpson, is that you?"
who wants to -- George W. Bush? Hey, how you
good, Juice. So, what you been up to lately?"
George, I'm still searching for the real killers.
If I can bring them to justice, maybe people
do you hear yourself? You know perfectly well
most people think there was one killer and his
initials were O.J. Every time you start with
this `searching for the real killers' stuff,
you make yourself sound foolish."
Let's talk about you. What have you been doing?"
searching for those weapons of mass destruction.
We've been turning Iraq upside down, but ..."
a minute! I sound foolish? What about you?"
do you mean?"
mean, I'm a lot closer to finding the real killers
than you are to finding any weapons of mass
just saying: If people don't take me seriously,
why should they take you seriously?"
glad you asked that, and I'll be happy to explain.
The first thing you have to understand is --
Hey! Look over there! Isn't that Marcia Clark?"
Where? I don't -- George, get back over here!"
... I was just stepping out for a smoke, Juice."
don't smoke, George. Look, you think I don't
know how it is searching for something nobody
else believes is there? I've spent years looking
for whoever killed Nicole and that restaurant
guy. Every time I think I've got them cornered,
they slip away. I had a tip they were at the
Doral golf resort, but by the time I got there,
they were gone. Next I heard they were at the
Cocoa Beach Golf Club, but I had no luck there,
either. Delray Beach, Key Biscayne, Lake Worth,
same story. But I'll get them, even if I have
to visit every golf course in Florida."
Juice. I had no idea. You do know what I've
been going through, don't you?"
I do. I mean, except for the spending billions
of dollars and getting thousands of people killed,
it's exactly the same."
hey, at least you've got the CIA to help you."
CIA? Don't get me started. That darn CIA couldn't
pour water from a bucket if the instructions
were printed on the bottom."
But you know the one thing that keeps me optimistic?
The American people."
they've been forgiving?"
they've been forgetful. Or else, they honestly
don't care anymore why we went to war."
think they'll stay that way, George?"
I'm counting on it."
George, we're losing soldiers every day."
really? Did you think I hadn't noticed that?"
down, George. I'm just saying that ... you know,
you have to be right about this. It's not about
the votes. It's kind of a moral thing now, isn't
a mean thing to say. What kind of friend are
we aren't friends. This is just a device some
smart-aleck newspaper guy is using to make fun
we'll never be friends if you keep up like this.
Just like Condi. Nag, nag. I'm telling you,
those weapons exist and we're going to find
know, George, I just had a crazy thought."
if the real killers are hiding the weapons of
that is crazy. Crazy like a whatchamacallit.
You say you've got a line on these people?"
got a tip they were on a golf course near Tampa."
what are we waiting for? Boy, this is going
to be great. You know, people have been saying
we're either deceitful or deluded. Well, we're
going to make them eat their words, aren't we?"
Just as sure as I'm innocent of double homicide."